Bahus War Diary - A personal view

BAD HAIR DAY

It's either the Industrial Light and Magic, or some other company that specializes in computerized special effects. Hired by the CIA, they did a job on all the Serbian politicians that appear on CNN. Using the so-called "morphing" technique, they made them all to look as if they permanently have a bad hair day.

Remember the former Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic? He was the last one who escaped this treatment, but in his case he didn't need morphing. With his cloud of white hair all the CNN crew had to do to make him look ridiculous was to take him outside, where even the smallest breeze would make Radovan's hair swirl around his head. He was always shouting in order to be heard through the noise that the scared birds were making.

It's hard to pay attention to what the Serbian representatives are saying if one keeps wondering if they're wearing home-made hair-pieces and if they just came out of a wind tunnel. To better prove our case, let's use a woman: Mrs. Biljana Plavsic, while she was still considered by the US a hard-line Serbian Ultra-Nationalist, always looked on CNN as if she was just awaken from an August afternoon nap. After she was pronounced a "moderate", her hair appeared stylish, her clothes mysteriously were color coordinated, and, to top it all, warts from her face vanished without a trace. In short, she looks now as she looks in real life.

Unfortunately for the Serbs, the appearance is not everything. Even if the CNN viewers were to try to pay attention to what the Serbian representatives are saying, they would not be able to understand them. Not only that they speak with thick accents, but their grammar is somewhat less than perfect. CIA have advised the CNN crew to praise the Serbian command of the English language. And everyone knows that when the Supreme
Being was spreading vanity around, when it came to the Serbs, he was extremely generous. So now we have all those creatures whose names the CNN anchors have difficulty in pronouncing, occupying our TV screens and proudly delivering sentences so long that nobody knows where they came from and where they're going. To say nothing about untranslatable ancient Serbian proverbs, saying, anecdotes, allegories, myths and legends that only for them may have meaning.

Just in case all this was not enough to present them to the CNN viewers as irrational, dazed and very confused, one last touch is usually added. American TV anchors know very well that all they have to do to ultimately discredit those temperamental Slavs is to throw in one of those questions where they accuse them of something that is not true.

Here is a typical question that will make any Serbian representative froth at the mouth, scream and shout, and shake uncontrollably: "Tell us, Mr.Karapandzik, we have here reports that your paramilitary groups are raping, looting and ethnically cleansing Tahiti and Bermuda. What is the reason you are doing this and why don't you stop?"

So far for the CIA-CNN psychological warfare experts the Serbs have proven to be an easy mark. That's why they are now relegated to the third rate anchors and young journalists whose teeth still need sharpening. And, as witnessed by the last appearance of the vice-president of Serbia, the CNN experts do not even need to alter the visual image of some of the Serb representatives in order to make them look wild and irrational.

 
Copyright 1999 Bahus Enterprises