The chancellor and how to find him (or a small biology lesson)
The search for the chancellor of BU, dragutin velickovic, was popular these days. It was conducted by our colleagues from the Schools of: Mechanics, Electrical Engineering, Architecture... As a biologist I totally agree with their conclusion that our noble chancellor is a very rare, endemic species. He is a biological phenomenon. Although constant turmoil is happening right in front of him, he has not in the least evolved, which usually tends to happen to all species, nor did he become extinct (none of the students, naturally, wish that to happen). What I disagree with are the methods used to search for the Chancellor and the locations where the search has been conducted until now. For example, a visit to the Zoo of Good Hope. This institution holds only some animals belonging to the vertebrate class, for example, there are no fish (carps, catfish, perch..), nor lower vertebrae forms (i.e. amphioxi, those from the famous saying "bloodless as an amphioxus"). The chancellor can only be an invertebrate; but the Zoo does not keep worms, molluscs (many species have a crust by which they protect themselves from outer influence - gastropodes, while squids and octopodes are much too inteligent for the chancellor to belong to one of those species) in its premisses. The Zoo also tends to be free of PARASITES, which have representatives in all the classes of animals (malarial plasmodiums, tapeworms, liver flukes, leeches, trichinae, fleas, etc.). Even if there are any, they are difficult to spot, by simple observation of the animals in the cages, and which are potential holders of such species.
The attempt to correct this mistake was also not executed well. For, the fishing at the Danube river the next day was not conducted correctly all the way to the end. Namely, the species of fish previously mentioned, catfish in particular, do not dwell in the shallow coastal waters, but in great depths, since they are known to hunt in the mud, and they like to reside as close to the bottom as possible, because they find it relaxing. At the same time, if you fish with a pole, you can only catch large fish and the chancellor, provided he is a fish, is only a small one. Therefore, my dear colleagues, get your boats, and throw a big strong net in the water; you will surely not only catch the chancellor, but also some more significant specimen.
I am not overly competent in the field of astronomy, but focusing one's attention on Mars is a huge mistake. The chancellor fell from there long ago, together with all the representatives of his species.
The underground investigation didn't bring any results, because only valuable minerals (diamonds and rubies, for instance), or ores of precious and other important and valuable metals are to be found there. Underground animals are mostly useful, or at least not entirely pests.
Searching for the chancellor at the market didn't do much good either, because there the merchants sell only quality goods, and not ones that are rotten or spoiled. The chancellor doesn't even hold a counter at the market, which would enable him to pay for the expenses of his skiing trip. For, he wished to go skiing, but all he found was thin ice, which will pull him under soon enough.
The soothsayers are also inconvenient consultants, because the confirmation (or the opposite) of their words comes only after a certain time. They can fool us, as well, because we are acquainted with the statements of the certain Mr. queens that our President is a walking saint.
The exorcist was also unnecessary, because the devil is not at the chancellors' office, he is on a hill, only a few kilometers away, together with his spouse, and his temple is surrounded by a thick wall and numerous guards. To seek the chancellor at the barrooms may have sense in some other circumstances. The chancellor, you see, has disremembered his University, therefore having no reason to drink.
During the last night's walk, a few of us - Biology and Mathematics students, organized an unofficial quest for the chancellor in the "Partizan" movie theater, since "Lustful fillies" was playing, and the chancellor does teach at the School of Agriculture, so we were expecting that he would be intrigued by the film's title. Alas, he was nowhere to be found. After all, he is a man (?) of a distinguished age.
It is easy to criticize, they say. But seriously; the action of the colleges for the School of Mechanic Engineering succeeded. It gave the Protest a whole new dimension, and the attempts of student groups to reach Dedinje finally paid off. They reached the Tolstojeva 33, the heart of the Forbidden City, the devil's temple. Now all we have to do is exorcise the devil. Now there is no longer a place in Belgrade that a student foot hasn't stepped on. At the same time, this action showed the general public where the highest government officials, together with the Chancellor belong. All honorable exceptions excluded.
AT THE END, I WOULD SUGGEST TO OUR COLLEAGUES TO PURSUE THEIR QUEST AT THE INSTITUTE FOR PHYSICS. FOR, I AM ALL THE MORE OF THE OPINION THAT THE PRESENT chancellor IS A MERE HOLOGRAM, THAT IS, AN ILLUSION, JUST AS EVERYTHING WE WERE OFFERED BY THE PRESENT AUTHORITIES IN THE PREVIOUS YEARS WAS AN ILLUSION.
1) the dislocated small letters are not there by mistake, neither the author's nor the printer's. Hopefully, the the head of the University will someday be someone whose name we will be able to accompany with "CHANCELLOR"...
(the notary of oral literary works of his colleagues from the School of Biology as well as his own)