> > > Where are elephants sex organs? > > > In his feet because if he steps on you your fucked. > > > > > > What's old and smells of Ginger Rogers? > > > Fred Astairs face. > > > > > > What do call a pretty girl in Poland? > > > A tourist. > > > > > > What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? > > > Hold on to your nuts this is going to be a hell of a blow job. > > > > > > Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? > > > Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. > > > > > > Why do women have two holes so close together? > > > In case you miss. > > > > > > What's got four legs and an arm? > > > A rottweiler. > > > > > > "Mummy, do au pair's bottoms come off?" > > > "No dear, why?" > > > "Well I heard Daddy telling the next door neighbour that he'd screwed > > > the arse of ours." > > > > > > Why did the condom fly across the room? > > > It was pissed off. > > > > > > What's better than roses on your piano? > > > Two lips on your organ. > > > > > > Why did the homosexual leave home? > > > He didn't like the way he was being reared. > > > Why did he come back? > > > He couldn't stand leaving his brother's behind. > > > > > > What's blue and fucks OAP's? > > > Hypothermia. > > > > > > What's the difference between a bowling ball and an Essex's girl. > > > You can only get three finger's in a bowling ball. > > > How are a bowling ball and an Essex's girl alike? > > > You can pick them both up, stick your fingers in them, through them > > > in the gutter and they always come back for more. > > > > > > Two men and a woman were stranded on a desert island. After two > > > weeks, the woman was so ashamed of what she was doing, she killed > > > herself. > > > After two more weeks, the men were so ashamed of what they were > > > doing, they finally buried her. > > > After two more weeks, the men were so ashamed of what they were > > > doing, they dug her up again. > > > > > > How do you re-use a condom? > > > Turn it inside out and wash the fuck out of it. > > > > > > What are the three great lies? > > > 1. Black is beautiful. > > > 2. The cheque is in the mail. > > > 3. Of course I won't come in your mouth. > > > > > > What do you get if you cross an Essex's girl with an ape? > > > Don't know, there is only so much an ape can be forced to do. > > > > > > What's the similarity between a soya bean and a vibrator? > > > They're both meat substitutes. > > > > > > What's the definition of suspicious? > > > A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field. > > > > > > Did you hear about the guy who was into sadism, bestiality and > > > necrophilia? > > > He gave it up. He was flogging a dead horse. > > > > > > Why was Snow White thrown out of fairyland? > > > She was caught sitting on Pinnocchio's face shouting "Lie, you stupid > > > bastard, lie!" > > > > > > What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? > > > Spitting, swallowing and gargling. > > > > > > What's the ultimate Jewish dilemma? > > > Cut-price pork. > > > > > > What's an Essex man's only chance of coming into money? > > > Having a girlfriend with gold caps in her teeth. > > > > > > What's the definition of a viscious circle? > > > A cunt with teeth. > > > > > > Why is semen white and urine yellow? > > > So you know when your coming or going. > > > > > > Why do women have tits? > > > So men talk to them. > > > > > > What do a walrus and a tupperware box have in common? > > > They both prefer a tight seal. > > > > > > What's the ultimate in rejection? > > > Your hand falling asleep while you're wanking. > > > > > > What's blue and thrashes around on the floor? > > > A baby playing in a plastic bag. > > > > > > What's green and sits in the corner? > > > The same baby two weeks later. > > > > > > What's the difference between worry and panic? > > > About 28 days. > > > > > > How many male showvanist pigs does it take to change a light bulb in > > > a kitchen? > > > None, let the bitch cook in the dark. > > > > > > What's the definition of mistress? > > > Something between a mister and a mattress. > > > > > > Why is virginity like a bubble? > > > One prick and it's all gone. > > > > > > How do make a cat bark? > > > Cover it in petrol, light it, and watch it go "woof". > > > > > > Why is rape impossible. > > > Because a girl with skirt up can run faster than man with trousers.