Here are various scientific tricks in case you
find yourself in Sahara confronted with a Lion.
HOW TO CATCH A LION IN THE SAHARA DESERT
(1) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY:
We place a spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then
perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage. The lion is then
inside the cage and we are outside.
(2) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD:
We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore
contains an enumerable dense set of points from which can be extracted
a sequence having the lion as the limit. We then approach the lion
stealthily along this sequence bearing with us suitable equipment.
(3) THE DIRAC METHOD:
We observe that wild lions are ipso facto not observable in
the sahara desert. Consequently if there are any lions in the Sahara,
they are tame. The capture of a tame lion is left as an exercise for the
reader.
(4) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which is permeable to
everything except lions and sweep it across the sahara.
(5) THE KALRA METHOD:
Make a list of the lion's whereabouts. Classify them into different
fuzzy sets. The lion will get confused and fall into your trap.
(6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD:
We observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of the
torus. We transport the desert into four-space. It is then possible
to carry out such a transformation that the lion can be returned to 3-space
in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.
(7) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD:
At any given moment there is a positive probability that there
is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait.
(8) THE HEISENBERG METHOD:
You will disturb the lion when you observe it before
capturing. So keep your eyes closed.
(9) THE EINSTEIN METHOD:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The
relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels
heavier and gets tired.
(10) THE NEWTONIAN METHOD:
Let the lion catch you (let's assume you remain alive here).
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore,
you will have captured the lion.
(11) THE CARTESIAN METHOD:
Take the origin as close as possible to the lion. Then perform
rotation operation again and again. Initially, the lion will
feel dizzy. Finally it will fall down.
(12) THE SOFTWARE METHOD:
Make a linked list of all objects in the desert. Then delete the
pointers on either side of the lion. (Make sure you are not AFTER the
lion.)
(13) THE AUTOMATA METHOD:
Use a Non-Deterministic Finite Automaton with epsilon moves from all
states to the final state, and no moves from the final state. The
lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped.
(14) THE TIME-COP METHOD:
Use a time-machine and take the entire Sahara back a few years
in time. The lion is just a cub now, and all you need is a mouse-
trap.
(15) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIAL METHOD
Integrate the Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is now
somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result w.r.t the
earth's rotation. The resulting value is zero, and the lion is
no more.
(16) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD
Hold the lion still for a moment (I don't care how you do it), and
recite Shakespeare`s Hamlet to it. The lion will change from 'To be
to Not-to-be'.