computer vocabulary

Snezana Lazovic (
Mon, 19 Feb 1996 08:58:33 -0500

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[author unknown]
> Improve Your Computer Vocabulary
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Analog: Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered
> with crushed nuts
> Backup: Opposite of go forward
> Batch Processing:
> Making a lot of cookies at once
> Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes
> Bit: 12 1/2 cents
> Branch: If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer
> club)
> Buffer: Programmer who works in the nude
> Bug: 1. Programmer's term for a feature
> 2. An elusive creature living in a program which makes
> it incorrect. Note: the activity of "debugging" or
> removing bugs from a program ends when a programmer
> gets tired of doing it, not when all the bugs are removed
> Character density:
> The number of very weird people in the office, divided
> by the floor space
> Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors
> Computer Club:
> Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error
> messages
> Coding: An addictive drug
> Compile: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter
> Compiler: Noah Webster (1758-1843)
> Console: What one does to a "down" computer
> Cursor: An expert in 4-letter words
> Dump: A system programmer's work area
> Feature: Hardware limitation as described by a marketing
> representative
> Hardware: The parts of a computer which can be kicked
> Keyboard: An instrument used for entering errors into a system
> Language: A system of organizing and defining error messages
> Loop: See loop
> Machine-independent Program:
> A program which will not run on any machine
> Microcomputer:
> One millionth of a computer
> Null String:
> The result of a 4-hour database search
> On-line: The idea that a human should always be accessible
> Password: The nonsense word taped to your terminal
> Performance:
> A statement of the speed at which a computer system
> works. Or rather, might work under certain
> circumstances. Or was rumored to be working about a
> month ago
> Printer: Johann Gutenberg (1400-1468)
> Quality Control:
> Ensuring that the quality of a product does not get out
> of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design
> Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until
> sometime after those creating it have left the organization
> User: Someone requiring drug rehabilitation
> 8-bit machine:
> A computer selling for $1.00 (see bit)
> 16-bit machine:
> A computer selling for $2.00 (see bit)